VC WHIPLASH: The Wild Contradictions Rocking Startup Land in 2025
Buckle Up Founders – This VC Rollercoaster Just Hit Ludicrous Speed
Welcome to the startup thunderdome where EVERY signal contradicts the last. One minute VCs are handing out term sheets like candy, the next they’re ghosting founders mid-pitch. This week? Pure pandemonium.
“The smart money is playing 4D chess while founders fight for scraps”
Hans Swildens, Industry Ventures CEO
IPO Insanity: Figma Charges Ahead While Others Bail
Figma just dropped the mic with their confidential IPO filing – a BALLSY move when:
- Klarna hit pause on their public debut
- StubHub shelved plans after market chaos
- Tariff wars sent tech stocks spiraling
But Figma’s not playing defense – they’re suing rivals over “Dev Mode” terminology. When the IPO window creaks open, the strong PUSH THROUGH.
The Great Funding Divide: UK Founders See Red
British startups are getting CRUSHED in the funding hunger games:
- UK: £16.2B ($21.5B) in 2024
- US: $73.8B (£65B) in same period
That’s a 3.4X DIFFERENCE. No wonder London founders are screaming into their pints.
Startup Graveyard Claims Another Victim
Smashing (Goodreads founder’s AI reading app) just joined the deadpool after:
- Launched June 2024 with hype
- Growth flatlined faster than a bad TikTok trend
- Proves even veteran founders aren’t immune to market forces
The Phoenix Rises: Who’s Getting Funded NOW
While some crash and burn, others are printing money:
- Marshmallow (UK insurtech): $90M at $2B valuation
- Hammerspace (Meta’s data partner): $100M at $500M+
- Phantom Neuro (bionic limbs): $19M for mind-controlled prosthetics
VC Power Moves You Can’t Ignore
The big dogs are making BANK while founders scramble:
- Founders Fund closes $4.6B growth fund (up from $3.4B)
- OpenAI eyeing $3B acquisition of Windsurf (ex-Codeium)
- Bolt’s CEO returns with “super app” ambitions
“Liquidity finds a way – smart firms are creating exits where none exist”
StrictlyVC Download analysis
Bottom Line: Adapt or Die
This market is splitting startups into two camps:
- The Funded Elite: Solving real problems with bulletproof metrics
- The Walking Dead: Burning cash on “nice-to-have” solutions
Which side are you on?
