HUMANOIDS HIT THE PAVEMENT IN HISTORIC RACE… AND IT WAS GLORIOUSLY CHAOTIC

Forget Boston Marathon qualifiers – the real endurance test happened in Beijing this weekend as 21 humanoid robots attempted what no machine has done before: completing a half-marathon without spontaneously combusting. The results? Let’s just say Boston Dynamics isn’t losing sleep… yet.

“I don’t want to boast but I think no other robotics firms in the West have matched Tiangong’s sporting achievements.”

Tang Jiang, X-Humanoid CTO

THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE (AND THEY’RE HILARIOUS)

• Winning robot time: 2:40:00 (Tiangong Ultra) – slower than your grandma’s power walk
• Human winner: 1:02:00 – crushing the bots by over 90 minutes
• Robots that finished: 4 out of 21 (the rest DNF’d in spectacular fashion)
• Battery changes: 3 for the winner – basically a pit crew for robots

THIS WASN’T A RACE – IT WAS A ROBO-CARNAGE REEL

The Beijing E-Town course became a mechanical war zone:

• Shennong took out a human runner like a bowling pin before faceplanting into a fence
• Little Giant literally started smoking from the head (30″ tall but big problems)
• Unitree’s G1 ate pavement at the starting line – blamed on “client error” (sure, Jan)

HOW THEY CHEATED (LIKE YOUR EX IN MARIO KART)

These weren’t autonomous runners – they had more assistance than a Hollywood star’s Oscar speech:

• Tiangong Ultra followed a human with a signaling device (basically robot training wheels)
• Most bots were remote controlled with human handlers running alongside
• Substitute robots allowed with time penalties (imagine swapping marathon runners mid-race)

WHY THIS MATTERS (BEYOND THE COMEDY GOLD)

While today’s results won’t threaten Eliud Kipchoge, this race marks a crucial milestone:

• First major endurance test for humanoid mobility
• Real-world stress testing under race conditions
• Proof that battery tech remains the Achilles’ heel

BOTTOM LINE: We’re decades away from robot marathoners, but the journey will be endlessly entertaining. Next year’s race? We’re bringing popcorn.