The Ultimate Flex on Wheels Has Arrived

After three years of teasing, GM just dropped the mic with the production Cadillac Celestiq EV – a handcrafted $360,000 electric beast that turns sidewalks into runways. But can this rolling masterpiece restore Cadillac’s “Standard of the World” crown? I took this American luxury missile through LA’s mean streets to find out.

“The Celestiq isn’t just a car – it’s a 6,000-pound middle finger to automotive compromise”

GM Lead Engineer (who clearly lost sleep perfecting this)

First Impressions: Like Sitting Inside a Swiss Watch

Sliding into the driver’s seat feels like being hugged by a billionaire’s wallet. The buttery leather seats adjust in ways your chiropractor would approve of. Every surface whispers “touch me” with that hand-honed perfection – yet here’s the kicker: 115 components are 3D printed, including structural pieces. This is old-world craftsmanship meets future-tech in the most baller way possible.

Engineering Wizardry (With One Quirk)

Cadillac’s engineers played battery-pack Tetris to squeeze in 111 kWh capacity:

• Front seat modules: 9″ tall
• Rear footwell: 6″ (for legroom)
• Under rear seats: 12″ monsters

The sacrifice? A center console so tiny it makes airplane tray tables look spacious. But when you’re getting 303 miles of range and turning this many heads, who cares about storage?

Hollywood to the Hills: This Thing Eats Roads Alive

On LA’s cratered streets, the air suspension turns potholes into gentle whispers. But the real magic happens when you unleash the 655 HP/646 lb-ft torque in the canyons:

• Magnetic Ride Control keeps this land yacht FLAT through turns
• Rear steering makes it dance like a car half its size
• Max regen means you can carve canyons while harvesting electrons

The Tech That Will Make Your Friends Jealous

Cadillac didn’t hold back on the wow factor:

• 55-inch wraparound OLED dashboard (because why not?)
• 38-speaker AKG Dolby Atmos system (plus 4 external speakers to annoy pedestrians)
• Glass roof with 4-zone opacity control (each passenger gets their own sunlight setting)
• Power doors that close automatically when you hit the brake (until they don’t – more on that later)

The One Glaring Weakness

GM’s stubborn Google Built-In system remains a pain point. Even after multiple attempts across different vehicles:

• Phone pairing feels like solving a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded
• Text notifications arrive when they feel like it
• For $360K, you shouldn’t need a IT degree to make calls

The Ultimate Flex: Bespoke Everything

Ordering a Celestiq is like commissioning a Renaissance painting:

• Handbuilt at GM’s Global Technical Center (1-2 per day max)
• 50+ shades of everything – I went Kingfisher Blue with orange interior because I have taste
• Concierge service that fetches your Diet Dr Pepper and tater tots (yes, really)

The Bottom Line: A Statement Piece for the 1%

In the ultra-luxury EV thunderdome, the Celestiq stands nearly alone – Rolls-Royce’s Spectre is its only real competition. With production capped at 25 units for 2025 (all spoken for), this isn’t just a car – it’s a rolling NFT. For those who demand exclusivity wrapped in American luxury, the Celestiq doesn’t just raise the bar – it launches it into orbit.

“The Celestiq proves America can still build the world’s most desirable cars – if money is absolutely no object.”

Every valet in Beverly Hills